Domestic Violence is a pattern of Coercive tactics that can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse, perpetrated by one person against an intimate partner with the goal of establishing and maintaining power and control.
Domestic Violence not occur in a particular kind of relationship, it however occurs in all kinds of intimate relationships, be it married couples, people who are dating/courting, people with children in common, same-sex partners, people who were formerly in a relationship with the person abusing them, and teen dating relationships. Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a choice to exert power and control over his or her partner. Abusive behaviors can be physical, emotional, sexual, social, and financial abuse. As a rule, domestic violence does not describe a single violent event, but rather a complex system of abuse that can include physical, emotional, psychological and sexual violence.
Domestic violence is defined as the threat or exercise of physical, psychological, and/or emotional violence. It is any type of force against another person with the intent of inflicting harm or exercising power and control over them. The perpetrator of this violent act is usually in the victim’s domestic environment which can either be an intimate partner, husband, wife, former or an ex intimate partner, family member, friend or even an acquaintance.
Courtship is the period of development towards an intimate relationship wherein a couple gets to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement, followed by a marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval.
The Need For Courtship Before Marriage
The need for courtship before marriage cannot be over emphasized. This is because it is in courtship you will know the personality of who you are in a relationship with. Courtship allows you time for assessment and approval. It’s also seeks to charm, impress and secure the love and affection of a potential long-term partner. During the period of courtship, you will get to know if you can live with this person or not. You ask yourself certain questions like do I really love this person to want to spend the rest of my life with him/her, can I deal with his/her flaws, is this person worth spending my forever with, am I happy been with this person, do I feel fulfilled in terms of a life partner with this person and many other questions. If you can answer these questions without being sentimental or out of pity, then you can be sure or not about him/her person.
Courtship is very important before marriage. It will save you from lots of troubles and regrets in marriage although we have people who pretend to be what they are not during courtship they manifest their real self in marriage, this is where you have to apply wisdom or seek the help of a marriage counselor. A lot of domestic violence that happen in marriages is as a result of red flags ignored while dating. Most people have the mentality that he/she will change in marriage. The truth is nobody changes in marriage rather they exhibit in fullness that character or attitude you saw during courtship. That is why it is advised not to ignore the red flags while dating, if it’s something you can take or deal with you can go ahead however, if it’s an attitude or behaviour you can’t deal with even while courting then it is better to walk away than ignore those red flags. There is something call the 80/20 rule. If he/she has 80% of what you want in a life partner and lacks 20% then you may go ahead but if reverse is the case, then as the saying goes that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage it is better to walk out. Avoid jumping into marriage just because your mates are betting married or because of pressure from family members and the society. Take your time to understand the person you intend to spend forever with and this is what courtship offers you. Forever is too long a journey to want to spend it with an abuser of any kind or stay unhappy. Everyone deserves to be happy, let nothing steal that from you. It may shock you to know that most of these domestic violence that take place in marriages, in one time or the other the partner may have manifested such trait in courtship but some people choose to ignore them because they love him/her or feels indebted or pity. If you don’t open your eyes during courtship marriage will open those eyes and it might be that of regret or gratefulness. Choose wisely.
In conclusion, domestic violence is a social problem that, although well recognized, is still associated with uncertainty and taboos. Many women, in their intimate relationships or immediate social environment, experience psychological and/or physical violence, which becomes a serious health problem for them. Even in today’s society we see men been violated as well. The issues that lead to domestic violent would have been avoided if the red flags shown during courtship weren’t ignored.